Everybody's Fool
by c-cruxe
Summary: The pain is always there, always a reminder of how she wasn't good enough for him... yet, even through the pain, she still wants him more than anything.


Everybody's Fool

_Never was and never will be  
>Have you no shame?<br>Don't you see me?  
>You know you've got everybody fooled.<em>

* * *

><p>Months have passed and nothing has changed.<p>

Edward is still gone. She still misses him_ (sometimes, when she thinks it might be okay, she remembers him and she can't breathe [he's gone!] and the hole in her chest seems to grow even more). _Forks is still one of the rainiest places in the country. Life still goes on, even when she screams at it to stop because she isn't living now that he's gone.

She knows that she can't live like this forever. Someday she'll have to give up believing that he'll come back because didn't he say that he would never interfere with her life again? Edward always kept his word…

Downstairs she hears her father moving around, attempting to make breakfast and she closes her eyes. Was this how her father felt when her mother left him? No, it couldn't be. This is so crippling that it feels like a physical weight, pressing her down and there is no one to take away the weight, so it's crushing her. She can't move away from it. Her father moves too freely, is too carefree to have experienced pain such as this because there is no moving on from it. It is always there, always a reminder of how she wasn't good enough for him.

But despite the fact that he is so much better than her, completely out of her league, she wants to feel his arms around her once more, to have him kiss her goodnight. She opens her eyes and thinks of his smile, one befitting a God, and wonders if he knows how much pain he's caused her.

Even through the pain, she still wants him more than anything.

* * *

><p>Bella smiles prettily at Jacob. He's sitting next to her in the garage, the motorbikes standing proudly before them, nearly fixed and workable, with a can of coke in his large hands, babbling about something she's not listening to. Her eyes are fixed just over his shoulder, close enough that he won't question her attentiveness but still able to see the wall behind him. On the plain whitewash wall, she paints Edward.<p>

After all, such boring walls deserve a bit of perfection, she thinks. He's almost done, wearing something casual that only serves to make him look even more attractive. All she's got left to do are his golden eyes, full of intensity and what she knows is love but when she's just about to imagine them, she can't remember how they shone in the meadow, glittering far more prettily than his alabaster skin. And, for a moment, she feels like frowning and it feels like she's lost a part of herself now that she's forgotten a part of Edward and she wonders, slightly hysterically, how she could forget any part of his perfection.

"That's great, Jacob!" Her eyes flicker to his, enforcing the happiness she is faking and he smiles back at her, suspecting nothing.

Her eyes go back to the wall behind him but Edward is gone.

* * *

><p><em>She breaks her promise to Edward. <em>

_She's not quite sure how she feels about that._

* * *

><p>By the time the bikes are ready, Bella's slowly forgetting him. It's small things at first – the way his canines would stand out from the rest of his teeth, the way his eyes would slowly shift as he stared at her, the way his hands felt softer than anything should be – but soon she's worried that she'll forget him completely.<p>

_Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget… _

Jacob goes through all the steps with her, shows her how to control it and she smiles at him before setting off at speeds much too fast for a beginner. Her hair whips out behind her, the handles shake uncontrollably and suddenly, she forgets how to break but it's okay because Edward's suddenly there and he's speaking and she can _remember!_

Then, she falls off.

Of course, Jacob's there almost immediately and he's helping her up, using his shirt to put pressure on the bleeding wound on her forehead. Jacob's suddenly looking really attractive and she wonders why. She's supposed to love Edward unconditionally but somehow, she knows that she's slowly falling for Jacob. So she tells him he looks nice and he stares at her, bemused and she wonders if he likes her too. Maybe she could make something work?

Maybe… maybe… _maybe!_

* * *

><p><em>She looks in the mirror and she's not entirely sure who she is anymore. All she sees is a lost girl pretending to be happy. <em>

_She must be a good actress because no one suspects that's she broken inside._

* * *

><p>It isn't suicide.<p>

She steps up to the side of the cliff, toes hanging off the edge and hands clenched into fists. The sea is rough below, hitting the side of the cliff ferociously and she licks her lips. Maybe she should've waited for Jacob to take her? No. She can't wait.

Rain pelts down on her, soaking her to the bone. She feels like she's already taken a dip.

She looks around. She's alone. There's no one to stop her.

Why does it sound like she's convincing herself to commit suicide?

"_Bella."_

She answers mentally _- Yes? – _as his voice is too perfect to be marred by her's. He sounds like he's next to her, a beautiful image that she tries to believe is real.

"_Don't do this_," he pleads. She almost takes a step back because she can't deny that voice. However, he isn't real. He isn't there. She broke her promise long ago and there's no one left to care about it, except her.

_You wanted me to be human, she whispers. Well, watch me. _

"_Please. For me."_

_But you won't stay with me any other way. _

"_Please." _

She smiles, maybe happy, maybe not. It doesn't matter. No matter how many people she lies too, no matter how many she can convince with her acting, she knows she will never fool him. He sees into her soul, without his power, and just knows. He's perfect for her but obviously, she isn't perfect for him.

If she was, he would be here to save her, to stop her. But he's not. What she has isn't real, he can't save her.

"_No, Bella!" _

Her smile widens. She raises her arms, she lifts her face into the harsh wind and rain. Crouching, grinning like a lunatic, she tenses.

Edward stares at her in horror, disbelieving that she would dare do this._ (It isn't suicide! It isn't!) _His hand reaches out as if to touch her but he isn't real. His hand goes straight through her, like a ghost.

The wind howls in her ears; the sea slams against the cliff side; Edward attempts to speak again. She ignores him, she ignores it all.

And she jumps.

* * *

><p><em>It never was and never will be<br>You're not real and you can't save me  
>And somehow now you're everybody's fool.<em>

_-Evanescence: Everybody's Fool_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Right, I don't normally write Twilight. There's a few reasons for this but I'm not going to put them on here because well, I'll probably get flamed about it. Suffice to say that I'm no Twihard or whatever the hell they're called these days. <em>**

**_Anyway, the italics in the cliff jumping section are quotes from New Moon, apart from the bracket. The song lyrics are, as said, Evanescence's Everybody's Fool. I don't own the Twilight Saga or Everybody's Fool. Yeah, that's a shock. _**

**_I'd like to thank you for reading my one shot (though it's not up to my usual standars, I think) and feedback is appreciated, even if you want to tell me why I should be liking the Twilight Saga or want to yell at me for not liking it. If you are going to yell at me, at least tell me why. _**

**_Thanks again for reading, _**

**_Darkedreams._**


End file.
